Your druthers is my ruthers, and other Southern voylerishe loshn

My fascination with southern colloquialisms and slang grew from a childhood obsession with the 1988 Eddie Murphy film Coming to America. It doesn't make sense, since the movie was based in NY, but you can just ignore that important detail.

"Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit." I would die happily if someone said this to me. 

Now that I live in the south, I've decided to start collecting these gems and try to slip them into everyday use, but right now it sounds about as natural as a screen door on a submarine. So in the meantime, I'm enjoying the collection process. Today, after one of my grandpa patients told me "girl, you gotta shake what yo mama gave you" in response to my happy dance over his good lab results, another told me that I could "talk the horns off a billy goat". I take that as a compliment. I have to admit, I got a bit nervous when I heard the word "horns", but luckily it didn't get antisemitic. Here are some other southern gems I've collected:

• Your druthers is my ruthers (we agree)
• Walking on a slant (drunk)
• That shit ain't worth the tick on a dog's ass (self-explanatory, courtesy of Virginia B)
• It's hotter than a billy goat's ass in a pepper patch (are there a lot of billy goats down here?)
• Wadn't nothin' between him and the Lord but a smile (nekkid)
• I'm busier than a 2-dollar whore on nickel night (yes, I am)

And my all-time favorite: a coworker, in response to a patient's beautiful singing voice said "that boy'll sing the panties right off of you". I love my job.

I stole lots of these from here: http://www.examiner.com/article/southern-isms-50-of-the-funniest-southern-expressions-and-colloquialisms and here http://littlerock.about.com/cs/southernlife/a/aasouthslang_3.htm.