Strange Frukht

I have an unnatural attachment to NPR. I think I may be addicted and it's affecting my music listening. The weekends are the best. If you haven't listened before, you have to check out "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me" and "This American Life". Actually, do this right now. Go here: Scroll down and click "Full Episode" on the right side. Then fast forward to 41:05 to listen to "Babies Buying Babies". Stick with it. It's 16 minutes long and it's brilliant. You will thank me! I promise. I really do.

And now for your weekly nutrition update. Last week we answered the question "What the fuck is a whole grain". This week I'm going to answer "How the fuck do you expect me to eat 5-9 servings of fruits and vegetables (f/v) everyday?"

First, I'm going to assume you have no idea what a serving of f/v looks like, do you? Don't lie to me. A serving of is generally one cup. This is about the size of a baseball.
The serving size is less for dried fruit (~1/4 cup). So for those of you who whine that it's just too hard to eat all of your f/v, here are some tips to show you why you're wrong:

-Add blueberries to pancake, waffle, or muffin batter
-Mix raisins, diced apple, or dried apricots into oatmeal
-Add pepper, onion, spinach, broccoli, or shredded carrot to a morning omelet
-Make a smoothie with frozen fruit, low-fat yogurt, and milk
-Top French toast with warmed applesauce (and use less or no syrup)
-Put a slice of avocado on a regular sandwich
-Add mushrooms, peppers, onions, or diced carrots to spaghetti sauce
-Add some extra mixed vegetables to soup
-Top pork chops with apples, pears, or raisins
-Top a baked potato with salsa
-Use applesauce to replace half of the oil in any recipe
-Mix dried fruit with almonds and a few M&Ms® as a snack
-Add broccoli or diced pepper to macaroni and cheese
-Blend cooked cauliflower into mashed potatoes
-Roast pears with honey and a sprinkling of ginger
-Eat a frickin' salad.
(Above information adapted from RD411.com)


Next week's topic? Fuck if I know. Probably something about vitamin D and bone health, or maybe something about probiotics and intestinal health.

Noshing around

I made the greatest unnecessary purchase this week and I'm very excited about it. It's an air popper. For popcorn. For snacking
I suppose it's the result of 1. an insatiable craving for popcorn, and 2. having no microwave. I've been microwave-free for 1 year and 8 months now. This is also the amount of time I've been t.v.-free, and the amount of time I've been diversity-free (read as: a NH resident). In July I will have lived here for 2 years. That's a lot of time to spend in one place. Well, a lot of time for me to spend in one place. I'm getting that springtime urge to move. M is applying all over this here grand country for jobs, so we may end up in NM or CA or MI or CO or FL or MN or NY or IL or, well, you get the idea. Half of me wants to get the fuck out of NH, while the other half wants to stay and be cozy with my friends, familiar places, and jobs. He's also applied locally, and I guess I'd be OK with staying. Maybe. Not sure. Perhaps.
If we do stay, I have some potential good stuff that can happen for me job-wise. If I go, I can start fresh and maybe find one full time job with benefits, instead of 3 part time jobs with crap.

In other news, my eyes are still itchy as hell. It looks like I got beat up, resulting in two black eyes, and then rubbed lipstick all around them. Pleasant, no? I'm going to the eye doctor tomorrow cause the dermatologist can't see me until April, and that's just ridiculous.

M handed in the 3rd draft of his 403 page novel to his professors today. Then he got a little loopy and started mumbling and then fell asleep. He'll be all better in the a.m. I would say lovely things about how wonderful and talented he is, but he reads this blog too and I don't want him to get a big head.

This is the time in the blog when I give out free and unsolicited nutrition advice (I thought I'd start a new trend). Here you go: Make half of your grains whole grains. What the fuck does this mean, you may ask yourself? Well, if you're supposed to have 6 servings of grain/day (grain= bread, rice, cereal, etc), three of those servings should be a whole grain (whole grain= whole wheat bread, whole grain cereal, oatmeal, quinoa, barley, brown rice, etc.) What's so fucking important about whole grains, you ask me? Well, whole grains have fiber. You need 25-35 grams of fiber everyday. Getting enough fiber can help prevent heart disease, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, help with weight management, and it can even make you fly. OK, I lied about that last part. Oh, and guess what? Popcorn is a whole grain. I'm not lying this time.

Maybe I'll start a blog called "Ask the foul mouthed dietitian". What do you think?

Tune in next week when I'll answer the question "How the fuck do you expect me to eat 5-9 servings of fruits and vegetables everyday?"

mamzer

My eyes are so itchy I want to stick needles in them.
I hate winter skin.
I'm starting to dislike snow. We've had 100 inches this winter. 100 inches is, like, a lot of snow.
Moving to Miami sounds kind of nice right now. But apparently they're really into appearances down there. I feel attractive in NH. I might be ugly by Miami standards.
I have a John Mayer song stuck in my head, which is awful, because I passionately hate John Mayer. "Your Body is a Wonderland" makes me want to cut myself.
M is almost finished with the 3rd draft of his novel, which means he's going a little crazy. He's in the kitchen talking to himself.
I have three jobs but I only like one of them. I'm not going to tell you which one.
My eyes are still itchy.
My body is not a wonderland.
John Mayer is a bastard.

Rethinking the Meat-Guzzler

CLICK HERE.

Republicans say the darndest things

"I supported the president in the war before you did," -Huckabee to Romney (Yeah, that's something to brag about.)

"Don’t make the pharmaceutical companies into the big bad guys." -Romney (Ask your doctor today if BeingAnAsshole XR is right for you.)

"If [Americans] want a president who doesn't believe in god there's probably plenty of choices" -Huckabee (All of the candidates, republican and democratic, believe in god you asshole, not that it should matter anyway).

So here I am in NH, two days away from the primary, drowning in blue political signs, and I haven't made up my mind yet. At least I know it won't be a republican.

Later.

A Gut Yohr

I am back from L.A. with beautifully pedicured feet, the box sets of My So-Called Life AND Freaks and Geeks, an electric toothbrush, and the new Junot Diaz novel, "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao". I am in love with this writer. I first read a short story of his in the New Yorker and then read his first novel "Drown", a collection of short stories. It's vulgar and delicious. I highly recommend it.

I am also back with a well-healed fiance. M was rear ended on the 405 Freeway by a woman who was then rear ended herself by a truck before hitting M again, who then hit the car in front of him. His mom's car was totaled, but he escaped with a mild concussion, a neck sprain, and some serious soreness. And no one was killed, so that's good news. I feel somewhat responsible since he was on his way to the airport to pick me up. It's not a good feeling to turn your phone on after a 5 hour flight to have 7 new voice mails. I knew something was up, cause I'm just not that popular.

So once he was feeling better, we got to enjoy the vacation, which mostly consisted of thrift shopping, eating, and seeing Sweeney Todd. I really did love the movie (despite the somewhat gratuitous goriness) perhaps a little more than the average person since I have a special connection to the play. My bro played the gay sailor Anthony in his high school production (OK, he wasn't gay in the movie, but you should see the actor in the 1982 play with Angela Lansbury).

So back to my shopping expedition. Every year I drag M to West Hollywood for their lovely thrift and vintage shops.
This year I got a Petro Zillia skirt for $6. I'm not really into fashion, as you can probably tell, but it was an awesome find. I did some research (I've had some time on my hands) and it turns out it originally sold for about $200. I also got a cute black dress ($18) and some cowboy boots, which sounds silly, but I've ALWAYS wanted a pair. I wanted red ones, but I settled for brown. I'm not sure if I can pull them off, but I've been wearing them everyday anyway, with knee high striped socks and my new green skirt.

So now I'm back and I have to get over this consumerism high that washes over me every Xmas. I think the snow will cure me. And the incessant parade of politicians. And the lack of funds. Happy New Year.

Ess gezunterhait

Happy Hanukkah, Hannukkah, and Chanukah!

I asked M to light the candles last night during dinner and when I didn't say the prayer he started in with "Our Father Who Art in Heaven". There's something funny about two atheists lighting the menorah while eating pork sausage jambalaya. At least we weren't drinking milk though, right?

So I've been thinking a lot about two things lately, food and politics. I guess these aren't so surprising, considering my job and the fact that I live in NH.

I taught a couple of middle school classes this week and couldn't help but notice how an overwhelming number of these children are overweight. I know it's been all over the news in the past few years, but it's really startling to see it up close. So I taught the kids about healthier fast food options, serving sizes, and the food pyramid. The one thing that really got their attention was the bit about French fries. First, I asked them if they know what the #1 favorite vegetable in America is. They say potato. Then I ask them what are Americans favorite way to eat potatoes. They say fried. And then I ask what are they fried in. They usually say butter or oil. Then I open up a tub of Crisco shortening and stick my hand in it and show the class. They always scream "GROSS", and "ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?". In the other hand I hold up a 5 lb. fat model, and then a model of a clogged artery and talk about trans fats, among other topics. At the end of the class, there is always someone who says "I'm never eating French fries again". I don't really believe them, but hopefully I'm helping them make somewhat healthier choices.

And on to politics. I'm going to vote for the (democratic) candidate with the best health care and education plans. That's it.

Happy holidays, happy voting, and Eat in good health.
J